Hetlia: Legend of the Lost Pencil Case (A story by Fanfic Maker)
by ApricotMarshy
Summary: Some crazy story that I used Fanfic Maker to create. Everything in this story was created by Fanfic Maker, all I did was fix some grammar. All I can say is be prepared to cringe. Really hard. This contains 1p!Russia x 2p!Russia...so yeah?


Victor and his friends were doing some Sarcasm.

They always enjoyed Sarcasm to relax when things were getting stressful.(Things were a bit stressed at the moment due to a unhappy love affair between Allen and Alfred) They thought nothing Sarcasm all the time - it was just a way of life.

But things were different today.

Someone was watching them enjoy Sarcasm, and it was starting to get creepy.

"The creepy guy is creeping me out", said Natasha.

"Yes, me too. Especially how he keeps licking his lips and stroking himself as he watches us", said Victor

Just then the man walked over to them.

"I am a talent scout"

"Owww...THAT explains it"

"Victor, I have been watching you while you did some Sarcasm. Your skilled. VERY skilled."

"Oh, yes, Victor is great at it" said NATASHA.

"INDEED. maybe the greatest. Look at Victor's body. His arm! His nose! His buttock! Its like he is built for Sarcasm! Every aspect of his perfect physique built for that one divine purpose. "

"I thought he was built for loving!" said Natasha

"I am thus going to officially invite Victor to the Sarcasm championship!" continued the talent scout.

"We are going to the championship!?" said Natasha

"Yes, the ticket has a +1. And you both go straight to the final!"

"Awesome!"

"But you will be fighting against someone else that made it to the final...someone you know well...Allen!"

"Then it's settled" said Victor. "We go. We can't let Allen win at anything. Even Sarcasm."

So they left for the stadium.

A little Later, Ivan was taking a shit.

He was having trouble though.

It felt like days passed and still no sign of release.

"Help..Errrr... ahhhh! Christ! when is this epic poo gonna pass!?" Ivan exclaimed, His face wincing with effort.

He made every effort in his little boy body to expel this demon thing from his womanly back side.

Just as Ivan was going in for another push..

Without warning the bathroom door suddenly burst open unexpectedly. "Ahhhh!"

"Well hello...Ivan" a seductive noise whispered from the doorway.

A shadowy person stood leaning against the door frame. His deep, sensual voice which Ivan knew immediately. His mind began racing and a nervous sweat began pouring from his face and groin area.

"Victor... is that you? wha- what are you still doing awake...?"

He appeared in nothing but a towel, seemingly ready to take a steamy shower.

However He couldn't with Ivan nearby...they were like family was like, his aunty.

Any sane person would never allow their own aunty to see them in the nude. Right? RIGHT!? SHIT!"

"Oh I felt dirty from masturbating all day...ya ever feel dirty Ivan?"

"Y-Yes, I mean NO! NO! NO! Never" Ivan shrieked, He became so immensely worked up he cleaned his colon clear of the demon feces that had been clogging it. His voice also cracked like he was 13 again, but in comparison to the loud flatulence he just unleashed, who cares? Victor heard though, and giggled like a adorable baby girl laugh. It sent tingles all up Ivan's spine.

"Oh you've always been the shy one in the family, Ivan..."

Ivan was not shy, at all. He defeated Allen and blew up his evil machines for Christ's sake! and now he suddenly found himself speechless. Was he going to see his metaphorical aunty literally naked? Little did he know, that was merely a chocolate source on the banana split of love that was to come.

"..the shy and excitable one." said Victor finishing the sentence with a sly smile.

"Wh-what the..." and before Ivan could send the third word out of His mouth..

..Victor's towel dropped to the floor,setting his swingy bits free into the mist of the shower.

Ivan noticed everything on him instantly. His soft butt,his magically gravity-defying middle leg and the giant thingy colored birthmark on his butt, which made him feel funny...as He had one there too.

Still, the sight of his near perfect body caused Ivan's penis to become very hard. It stood erect and proud, pointing straight towards the mighty heavens.

"Hehe oh my Ivan...you're more impressive than I thought."

"Uh... ye-yeah, th-thaaanks Victor, you're cute too." THIS IS SO WRONG! It raced through his head at lightning speed. But the beautiful, wet, soapy body that stood before him spoke otherwise. His shapely body was everything Ivan could want in something to wank to. Yet did family like relationship matter?..

...

...

NAAAAAH!

But just as Ivan was committing. Commiting to a path that they couldn't go back from.

Yekaterina burst into the toilet!

"What are you two upto?"

"Err..nothing" said Ivan as he casually slipped his pants back on.

Victor, who Yekaterina didn't notice, picked up his towel and backed out slowly.

"Really?"

"I was just having a shit...see?" Ivan gestured to his shit.

"Oh, thats a shit all right! One hell of a shit!

Ok, if your done we better go"

So Ivan put his other pants on and left. He had a serious case of blue balls, but at least his anus didn't feel so bad now.

As he walked out Victor whispered one word. A word fall of hope.

"Later"

Ivan Giggled.

Fortunately, their traveling companion was as oblivious as ever, and didn't notice.

The next day, Victor was nervous.

He was good at Sarcasm, some would say the best. But was he really the best? The best at Sarcasm on Earth? Victor was about to find out, as the contest started soon.

Victor thought back to a few years ago.

Happy times, before all the the troubles with Allen got really bad.

Breaking out of his deep thoughts, Victor decide to go to the Arena early, perhaps do a few laps as a warm up.

Victor casually strolled to the Arena while practicing Sarcasm.

As Victor walked out he was surprised to see Allen already there!

Allen was clearly up to something. Victor had to find out what it was!

"What you upto Allen?" yelled Victor.

"You will never find out!" yelled back Allen, who wanted to keep his plan a secret.

Frustrated, Victor started practicing Sarcasm, never taking his eye of Allen as he did so.

Ivan joined them a few minutes later.

"Hi Victor!" he said with a sexy wink.

"..and hello...Allen" with a even more sexy blink.

"yes. Hello Ivan. Good to see your in the contest too. For now"

But before Ivan could hear what villain had said, it was time to start!

They walked to the start line, and bent down ready. (A/N - but not for THAT. You have a really dirty mind!)

The crowd was getting big. Many fans had banners saying stuff like

'Go Victor Go Victor Go Victor'

or

'Go Go Go Allen your the best!'

The starter pulled their ak-47 out and got ready to fire.

Ivan, Allen and Victor all waited with anticipation.

3

Ivan started breathing heavily

2

Allen tensed. Ready to go.

1

Victors skin glowed sexily with excitement

0.

BANG!

The starter fired the ak-47...at IVAN!

IVAN COLLAPSED instantly. Allen started Sarcasming, laughing maniacally as he did so.

Victor was in shock, and raced over to Ivan.

"He shot you!" but why?

"Owww...I am shot bad"

The starter stared at their weapon.

"I didn't mean too...my ak-47 acted weird!"

Victor looked at the ak-47.

Using his famous forensic skills, Victor made a deduction.

"Yes...this ak-47 clearly has been sabotaged to shot at Ivan."

"Typical" said Ivan.

"What now?" said Victor.

"You have to go on" said Ivan, still bleeding.

But just then the clack-son went off!

It was half time!

Victor winked at Ivan when no one else was looking.

"Later" he mouthed at him silently so no one could hear.

As Ivan was carried taken to hospital by trike, Victor and Natasha retired to the locker room.

Allen was already there, still grinning.

"Oh what a shame. Ivan isn't going to compete anymore. Even doing nothing I'm going to come second. You know...I might just let you win..out of my...generosity... " Allen sniggered again.

With that Allen left out the backdoor.

"Gosh darn-it" Natasha said. "Allen drives me mad! "

"You know, I think he had something to do with Ivans accident "

Victor was thinking. hard.

"Allen is never generous. Lack of generosity is his number one defining characteristic. Well, that and evil"

"That means..." said Natasha, her slow cogs working.

"...He wants to come second!" said Victor, thinkingly.

"Do you think that's..."

"...because he wants the second prize medal!" said Victor, winning again.

"It must be because the second prize is really Magic Metal Pipe of Pain "

"Yes, now that I Iook at the second prize, I notice it now. It's clearly the Magic Metal Pipe of Pain"

"That explains why someone would want to become second!"

"Exactly!"

"So we have to beat Allen by being the best at coming second? How are we going to do that...you have never lost before! "

"I know" said Victor. "I am not sure I know how"

"You got to though. Just this once you got to come second!"

"No I can't. But I have an idea...you could compete!"

"Me?" said Natasha, surprised. "Do they even allow girls like me to do Sarcasm?

"Yes, its a modern contest, a few girls have already competed. I'll win the contest as normal, and you will come second. You can do this!"

"Ok Victor, I'll do it. I'll do it for you"

Then the Gong went again, the final leg of the Sarcasm contest had begun!

Later, Ivan and Victor were alone again.

"Its Later" said Victor, pulling Ivan towards the bathroom.

"But what about the others?"

"I'll just tell them you are helping me shower. They wont suspect a thing"

"True. They are all idiots"

Then, suddenly, Victor was naked. Ivan wondered how he did that. He must have been nearly naked this whole time!

The shower turned on...

..Ivan was already.

Victor lathered up good and fine. The soap dripped off his body at a seductively slow pace. Ivan could not contain the powerful urge of excitement that raced through His veins.

The alluring look of his nudie comrade became too much for him to fathom and his erect penis launched a mighty wad of semen directly onto Ivan's eye.

There Ivan sat, His pink panties pulled quickly down at his ankles, on a toilet full of poop with His bodily fluids on full display, eyes bulging from His face.

Victor giggled as Ivan's dignity shriveled and died, but Ivan had always enjoyed that delightful snicker, even after He found out He was His own flesh and blood.

"Well...wh-what do we do now?" Ivan said, desperately trying to sound suave.

"It. We do it."

"it?"

"yes. it"

"we do it?"

"yes"

"oh"

...and with that Victor jumped on Ivan. What little remained of their clothes plopped of quickly. Some fell in the toilet.

"um... lets g-get you outta my toil-dreams and into my bed." Ivan stuttered, desperately trying to be slick, yet he knew it was hopeless to be suave on the shitter.

Victor hopped gleefully out of the shower, the soap continued pouring from His shapely stood up from the toilet, His naughty bits proudly waving about and his pants still down around his ankles. He hurried to chase His shapely body down.

He fell in the doorway, tripping over his pants. He pulled his face up from the floor and gazed at Victor, DANCING ON THE KITCHEN TABLE

The night wreaked of eroticisms...and Ivan could see that it was going to be a all you can eat pork fest.

And it was!

Victor was soon riding Ivan like a pogo stick.

"Poke me! DEEPER! DEEPER! GODDAMNIT!"

"Oh God I'm going to hell!" Ivan screamed.

Ivan still had his Hawaiian shirt on and Victor was dripping soapy water all over the bed.

His perky penis swung around, like a happy child on a moon bounce. UP UP DOWN DOWN LEFT RIGHT LEFT RIGHT!, Ivan liked it. It was a big, beautiful thing that ached to be sucked on.

Ivan especially liked that from this angle He could not see the awkward birthmark on His ass cheek. Which was a relief. Ivan wanted to be hard and strong where it counts for the person He had always thought of as His mother-in-law.

"Oh Ivan!" He breathed heavily, deep and cavernous "is what we're doing wrong!?"

"OH GOD YES!" He yelled back at His naked mother-in-law.

"GOOD! YES! YES! YES! YES MOTHER-IN-LAW!" Victor screamed.

When it was over they cleaned themselves, the room and the nearby palace down.

It took awhile - fortunately they finished before any of their friends got back. So their little secret was safe...for now.

Natasha and Victor stepped into the arena again.

The tension was high, like a radio tower, high.

Victor could feel it .NATASHA COULD FEEl it. Allen could feel it. The crowd could feel it.

This contest was about to get real!

"Good luck" said Allen sneeringly at them.

"Maybe you will even win" he said while laughing maniacally.

"I know what your upto ...and that's why Natasha is also going to compete! You will never come second Allen!"

"Yes, that right I am competing!" said Natasha while climbing into her Sarcasm-ing outfit. (She had been in her underwear till this point , but now happily stripped nude as she didn't mind the crowd watching)

"It doesn't matter you will still lose"

"You mean she will come second?"

"Yes. At coming second. She will lose at coming second."

"NEVER" screamed Natasha! Just as the starters slingshot went of.

With that everyone started Sarcasm-ing went on for the normal 5 hours. It was a tight contest, the crowd was on the edge of their seats. Allen and Natasha were sweating oceans of wetness.

It was getting near the end now and Allen could see he was losing. Suddenly he whipped out his ... ozis and used it on Natasha at point blank range.

"ARGGHHhhhh"

Natasha collapsed. It was only a mild blow but it was enough to put her out of the contest.

Victor rushed back.

"Are you ok!?"

"No"

"Oh"

"You have to come second. It's our only hope now"

Victor turned to the contest judge but they had been looking the other way and saw nothing.

"Ha! See you cant defeat my cunning!" said Allen.

"No I'll beat you! I beat you good like a song with a good beat like Summer Nights!" said Victor who was starting to do Sarcasm again frantically.

"That's not a good song" said Allen who was right.

"I'll beat you anyway"

"Won't"

"Will"

"Won't"

They argued as they Sarcasmed, and the crowd was still on the edge of their seats.

Suddenly Victor slowed down!

"Ha!" said Allen triumphantly...as he went past the finish line!

"I've won I've won! I've won the world Sarcasming champion contest!"

"Yes. And I've...come second" said Victor.

"What...NOOOO...you tricked me into winning!" said Allen upset.

But it was too late Allen got the first prize award and Victor got the second place award...which was really Magic Metal Pipe of Pain!

Allen left the arena with his first prize sad and depressed to go back alone to his triumphant took the second place prize...the first he had ever got...and run held it up to the crowd who cheered like mad but they didn't really know why.

-The End


End file.
